Act Now!

Our mailbox is so easy to get to as long as you have a four wheeler, some mace and a good GPS unit. If not, its impossible to get to our mailbox. In fact, I'm pretty sure our mailbox isn't even in the same zip code as our house. For some reason our neighborhood builders thought that we would all hate to get mail and therefore decided not to put a mailbox at each house. Instead they made a plastic box for all of us to use at the end of town. So I only get our mail about once a week and what I mean by that is that I ask my son to get the mail about once a week. So imagine my horror when Colter handed me a letter telling me that I personally had won a major prize but I had to call within 24 hours to claim it! This letter said that out of thousands of people, I had been hand selected to win one of three amazing prizes! At first I couldn't believe that I had actually won out of all those other people but there it was right on the address label clear as day, "Box Holder: Winner"! That's me!

I had either won $1,000, two free airline tickets or two "His and Her" gold watches. So I called the number hoping it wasn't too late! A guy answered and I said, "Its me! The Winner! I just got the letter and am calling to get my prize!" Then, thinking it over, I asked him how come he didn't just mail the prize along with the letter in order to save on another stamp. That's when he informed me that I had to come pick the prize up in person because they wanted to make sure it went to the right person. He then asked me for my name. I said, "Well, I'm the winner. Shouldn't you have my name?" He said his computer was down. I then asked how he knew when the 24 hours was up from when I received the letter? He then put me on hold because he was getting another call. When he came back he said that I was so lucky to win that I shouldn't bother asking anymore questions. He then gave me the address where I could claim my prize. It was only about 20 miles away which was good because at-least it was closer than my mailbox. He also said I had to bring my wife and my check book. I told him I didn't like to travel with my wife and checkbook in the same car because of past experiences. He said that I was definitely the right winner! He then assured me that the check book was to ensure proper identification. This made perfect sense because we all know you cant get a check book in Houston, TX unless you have a driver's license and six other forms of identification.... or if you are an illegal alien...or the head of Enron and need to open up several dummy accounts. However, I wanted my prize so Wendy and I and my checkbook headed out to the prize pick up location.

Once there, we met several other "lucky winners". They too had been hand selected from 1,000's of loser's who had been weeded out by the simple fact that they either had normal jobs and couldn't show up or had died from starvation trying to walk to their mailboxes. Every other winner had the proper ID with them except for one guy claiming his name was "Harry". I didn't believe him because he didn't have a wife with him, just a check book. We all sat in a waiting room with an antique style theme and by that I mean the coffee tasted like it had been made in 1952 and I read a magazine that predicted Richard Nixon was definitely going to win the Presidency! One by one, each winner's name was called and they would disappear into a secret room. As a joke, I told Wendy that, once in the secret room, they probably tortured us by cutting off our fingers until we signed all the checks in our check book. However, it didn't turn out to be nearly as much fun as that. Once we were called in they told us that we had won an additional prize! We got a chance to buy a membership to a resort company! Man, was I on a winning streak! However, my wife pointed out that that wasn't technically a prize. She said that a prize was something you didn't pay for and that we would just take our original prize and go home. The prize-giving- guy looked at me for help. I said, "Hey, dont look at me. You guys wanted her here."

He then asked us to just watch a short video about the resort company. Two hours later as the credits were rolling he asked if I had any questions. I asked him if he thought "Dances with Wolves" was a short movie. He didn't hear me though because he was too busy wetting himself over the excitement of what he was about to offer us! To join the resort normally costs $20,000 along with a yearly maintenance fee of $425 BUT...and here comes the prize part... which he pointed out to my wife....he could offer us this package deal for only $15,000 plus the yearly maintenance fees. I asked what the maintenance fees were for. I knew they weren't spending money on fresh coffee and magazines for the lobby. The guy said that his computer was down but he'd get that information to me at the special "end of the year member's only banquet". I told him we'd have to think it over. This is when he leaned in really close, I guess incase the room might be bugged, and said that "we had to buy into the company RIGHT NOW!" I asked why he leaned in so close if he was just going to shout?

He said the contract had today's date on it so we had to "ACT NOW!" I told him that I thought I had some white-out in the truck and we could just "CHANGE THE DATE!" However, he assured us that this was such a great and limited time offer that we'd be fools not to take it! This is when my wife turned to me and said, "Ready to go, Fool?" So they took us into another room to claim our original prize. However, and luck must have really been on our side that day, another guy came in and said that we had been hand selected today for another special offer. Wendy asked if that offer would include a map to the front door so we could get out of there. Turns out the offer was to knock $5,000 more off the price to this membership resort! My wife, in order to conceal her excitement, yawned. I told the guy that we just wanted our first prize. What happened then was what made me want to write about this. He kept trying to change our mind and I kept interrupting him till it sounded like two five year olds fighting:

Man with no brain: "But these resorts are..."

Me: "We just want our prize."

"Its a great offer..."

"Just want our prize."

"Once in a life time.."

"Want our prize."

"Retirement plans..."

"Our prize!"

"What about..."

"PRIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I then held my breath. Anyway, the watches were nice as long as you didn't need them to tell you the correct time.

(With so many scams and "Special Offers" out there, its nice to know where the real truth can be found)

This just in...1. I decided to take most of March and April off to rest my voice and catch up on a few things. However, I'm three weeks into it and my voice is totally healed, I'm caught up on everything and I'm dying to do stand up so bad that I actually started doing my act while standing in line at the grocery store two days ago. In other words, I'm bored out of my mind and still have April to get through. So if your church might want me to do a show for them in April, I'm cutting my normal rates in half! Just go to www.bobsmiley.com and email me!

2. I came back from Honduras 8 pounds lighter. Seriously, dont drink the water. Anyway, I've got pics along with a special bobcast talking about it that can be found by clicking the link here on the right. Check it out!

1. 1.http://www.godtu be.com/view_video.php? viewkey=155e551b44d5255333d9
   (for those of you who have been asking for longer comedy clips of my DVD: Uncaged, here's a 14 minute "best of" just for you!)
   

And finally...

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Go live for Christ, He died for us!