A Moving Experience!
Upon graduating from A.C.U., I was faced with the most difficult situation I will most likely ever have to face. Trying to get my deposit back from our Land Lady was not going to be easy. After all, the condo did look a little different from when I first moved in two years before. For example, it was virtually impossible to get a motorcycle through the front door when I first took over the lease. Another thing she was bound to notice was that the house no longer had carpet. But I figured if I could talk Wendy Hines into dating me, then talking our Land Lady into giving me back my $500 just might be possible. Besides, we had made many improvements such as painting the walls and many of the ceiling fans still worked!
I was set to move out the day after graduation. Thanks to the fire in my room three months earlier, I didn't have a lot to pack. I just needed to load up my desk, half a mattress, my two-man boat, my paddles that looked a lot like ceiling fan blades, a bucket (see: Redneck Chair), my couch and all my black clothes. I wasn't Goth but all my clothes were black at that time in my life but I've all ready mentioned the fire. The Land Lady walked in and instantly I knew my job was cut out for me.
"Uh, Bob, where's the front door?", she asked.
"Its being used on the back closet.", I offered.
"This house doesn't have a back closet!"
"Oh, we made some improvements!", I tried.
She turned pail upon seeing one of our chairs in the living room.
"Why is there a toilet in the living room?", she shouted!
"We use it as a chair...and that's all we use it for!", I assured her.
"I suppose the motorcycle is used as a love seat?", she joked all though didn't smile.
Twenty minutes later I knew I'd never see my deposit again. It seemed that she was not into roller skating and therefore didn't understand the removal of all the carpet. She was also not convinced that one ceiling fan blade worked as well as four. And come to find out, she didn't appreciate abstract art and therefore didn't think my Greek letters painted on the wall improved the decor. Nor did she like the 86-87 Lakers Muriel we'd added on the back door. I guess she liked the Celtics
The back closet we'd built wasn't a welcome site either. This lady was hard to impress. Being into photography, I built a dark room just off the kitchen but couldn't afford the developing materials. We kept the small room though to use for other things. We eventually turned it into a coat closet after the chickens all died.
Evidently, I had also failed to tell her about the fire in my room. To this day I dont know what started it. I think it was faulty wiring but the firemen seemed to think it was the Bar-B-Que grill that fell over on my bed. I guess we'll never know. I tried to cheer her up pointing out that, had we still had the carpet in there, it would have burned up and probably allowed the fire to spread down the hallway. She was confused saying that it looked like it HAD spread down the hall. I told her that the hallway walls looked like that because I had practiced several times on my Lakers Muriel before doing the final draft on the back door. She didn't appreciate my dedication to perfection.
Anyway, the Land Lady finally drove away once she felt that her crying wouldn't hinder her driving ability. I then called all my friends to help me load up my stuff. Now, college is an amazing thing. Not only do you learn a ton of things like your social security number and...and...well, you learn your social security number. But college is also when you make some of the best friends you will ever have in life. For some reason, a college friendship is stronger than most. These are the people you can call on for anything at any time and they will drop everything to help you out! And I was about to prove just that!
"Who is this, again?", Stephen joked with me on the phone.
"Its me, Bob. We just spent 4 years together in college.", I said.
"You spent five years in college. Dont make your readers think you got out in Four.", He continued. "Besides, what's there to move? The fire took all the cool stuff and there's no way I'm touching that couch till I've had a Tetanus shot."
All my other friends had similar responses but I knew these guys would show up. After all, they were strong Christian men that jumped at a chance to help people out! That and I promised there'd be free pizza afterwards. Sure enough, two of the sixteen people I called showed up and only an hour late! They were growing up!
"I thought you rented a moving truck.", Jordan said.
"I just borrowed my neighbors trailer.", I noted.
"I thought he hated you!", Jordan shouted.
"No, he's forgiven me for the whole swimming pool incident. Besides he's going to be out of town for a week so I'm sure he wont mind.", I assured him.
We soon had everything loaded on the trailer except for the couch. Stephen suggested that we just have another fire to take care of the couch. College kids love to joke around like that. Anyway, after making him set the gasoline and matches down, we loaded the couch on the trailer. It was easier than I thought because half way out to the trailer the couch broke in half so it was easier to drag. Twenty minutes later I was loaded up and ready to start a new chapter in my life and that chapter was called, "Dont forget to order pizza or else pick more forgiving friends!"
(Whether we're moving or staying put for awhile, its nice to know this isn't our final resting place...and our final move wont require any heavy lifting!)
This just in...
2. I'm holding a "Favorite Joke" contest on my website. Go to www.bobsmiley.com to find out how to win a free DVD and comedy Book!
3. I'm going to add a Fan Pic of the month on this newsletter so feel free to email me any pics you have of us!
Website of the month...
1. http://www.godtub e.com/view_video.php? viewkey=9d6f4ef2425d132ae80a
(Welcome to the Colter Show! Complete with bloopers...actually the whole thing was a blooper!)
And finally...
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