Anyone still read?

I wrote a book! This came as a great shock to many people, especially my dad who said he didn't even know I'd read a book yet. This is not true by the way, I've read and colored many books. Anyway, 4 years ago I started writing a comedy column called "The Adventures of Average Boy" in Clubhouse magazine. Average Boy is a crazy junior high kid who continues to try to put God first throughout all his adventures. Well, Average Boy instantly became a fan favorite so, on September 1st, Focus on The Family will release my first book "Growing Up Super Average: The Adventures of Average Boy", a comedy/devotional guide for kids. I'm really proud of this book so I wanted to share the first chapter with all of you before it comes out! Enjoy my peeps!: The Quest to Become Super Average (Chapter 1 of "Growing Up Super Average")

Being a popular superhero is awesome! Fans always notice me and stop me in public. Once I got noticed by eight different people in one hour! Of course, my dad likes to point out that we were at a family reunion. But I know my dad was just jealous of my fame. "They didn't seem to notice you, Dad," I said. "Anyone would get noticed if he wears a cape," my dad argued. Before we went to the reunion, I suggested Dad could wear my bedspread for a cape. But he wasn't interested. I guess some people just don't want to be super. Others, including me, want to be super, but it doesn't come naturally. I wasn't always Average Boy. When I started middle school, I knew I had to find my place, my crowd, my peeps. This proved to be difficult, especially because I wasn't really sure what a "peep" was at the time. I knew I wasn't supposed to utter one during detention and I liked eating them at Easter, but that's all I had figured out.

On the first day of school, I looked around to see where I'd fit in. I started with the jocks. These kids looked like a doctor had removed their necks and reattached the skin and muscle to their biceps and chests. They were so big that when they turned around, their shadows sent an eclipse moving over the room. I'm not totally sure, but I think each shadow weighed about 12 pounds. All the jocks had armpit hair and could palm a basketball-with me still holding on to it. I figured with a few changes, I could fit in with these giants-I mean, kids. First, I stuck two strips of duct tape on my cat. Pulling them off wasn't as easy. But to be a jock, you have to be good at wrestling. Once I had ripped off the duct tape and superglued it under my armpits, I started working on palming a basketball.

That didn't go so well either. I discovered I could palm a Wiffle ball-just not for very long! But I still thought I could pull off being a jock. After all, I had armpit hair and my shadow had gained a pound or two since I started eating protein bars to build muscle. During the first day of gym, I walked over and stood next to Colter, the best athlete in school. "What are you doing over here, little boy?" Colter asked. "We don't need a water bottle yet." The rest of the jocks laughed. "Oh, I heard you did," I replied. "But now that I've talked to you, I realize you need a bottle of mouthwash." Sometimes my mouth doesn't like me and tries to get me in trouble. The jocks took it really well, though. They even asked me to play catch with them-I just wish they hadn't used me as the ball.

This got me to thinking that maybe the "brains" were more my crowd. During study hall, I went over to their table. They were playing chess. It was Trent's turn, the smartest kid in school. "My rook takes your knight," Trent said as his opponent looked defeated. "That means Trent- Baggins has reclaimed his ring and can disappear from this game. Checkmate!" "Wow, your castle took his horsey!" I yelled, trying to fit in. Quickly, all the brains looked up through their glasses. One of them pointed at me and said something in what I think was Klingon. Everyone laughed. I decided I might join the band. The problem with band is that you have to play an instrument. I decided I'd learn how to play the piano. Then I found out it was a marching band. I figured I might slow up everybody if I had to scoot around on a piano stool, so I took up the triangle.

We all got cool nicknames in the band. I was Bob "No Rhythm" Smiley. I earned a spot as fifth triangle alternate. This confused me because there weren't four other alternates-much less a regular triangle player. After not being allowed on the field for two games, I left the band. I didn't mind really. I couldn't wear that band hat without laughing. That left just the skater crowd. However, I knew I didn't want to hang with them. They did stuff I didn't agree with, like grind rails without head protection. I knew God didn't want me making the wrong kind of friends. Plus, they were mean to me when I tried talking to them. One of the skater kids even spit on me. I have to say, though, it was a pretty impressive feat because I was about 30 feet away and against the wind. She was good.

To be honest, I was kind of discouraged. Three weeks into school and no peeps. I had tried my hardest-I had the armpit rash to prove it. I just wasn't supertalented at any one thing. That's when it hit me: I was just average. In fact, I was all-around super average! The Bible talks about lots of people who were just average, and yet God used them for great things. I knew right then that God had called me to be Average Boy!

On the spot, I decided to fight injustice and do my best using the average talents my Creator had given me! Even though I'm average, my God isn't. So I know I'm already going to win in the end. Isn't that cool?!? You can be on the winning team, too, if you're part of my team-I mean God's team. Anyway, that's what this book is about. I hope you enjoy reading these adventures, my peeps!

Psalms 34:1-3 "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together!"

(Every Christian should read this scripture every morning!)

This just in...

1. My new book will be in stores everywhere Sept. 1st but can be bought online by clicking on my store button at the top of this page!

2. I'd love to personally thank everyone that bought my new comedy DVD "Uncaged" last month but since I dont know all 9 of your names I will just say thanks right here! Glad you guys are enjoying the new stuff!

3. I just booked a bunch of shows for the fall! Go to my website and click on "Stalk Bob" to find a show near you.

1. www.myspace.com/ theaventuresofaverageboy (You can read past Average Boy Articles here!)

And finally...

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Go live for Christ, He died for us!