Father's Day was when?
Being a father is tough! Sometimes I'm good at it and the other times everyone in my neighborhood is watching me. Sometimes I do really good things. For instance, last week I taught my middle kid three things. 1: How to ride a bike. 2: Some new words. 3: How to properly apply an ice pack. And I did this all in about 20 minutes! By the way, if you've never taught a kid how to ride a bike, you should stop reading for a second and thank God that you dont have any real back pain. The rest of you, however, are probably picturing the hours you spent running along beside your child for 28 miles holding on to the back of the bike seat shouting "Find your balance!" I ran so far that at one point I found myself shouting, "Find your balance! Find your(pant) balance(gasp)! Find yourself another Dad!"
Oh, and not to be one of those writers that say, "back in my day" but back in my day there use to only be one bike size: Huge. That's it. Once size fits yall. This bike was designed for toddlers and Bigfoot. A 3 year old could ride it or Rosie Odonald but I guess I'm being redundant aren't I? Nowadays, they have bikes so small that I cant tell if its for my kid or for my kid's action figure. My parent's bought this new bike for my son. Its not even visible by the naked eye. Its like Wonder Woman's bike, totally invisible. My dad was laughing the whole time Trent was opening it and I didn't know why until two hours later when I was running three inches from the pavement trying to hold on to a 4 year old who was sitting on a bike so small that if he hit a acorn he would flip completely over! That's when I realized that being a father is much harder nowadays. Parent's didn't have to bend over when I was a kid. They just jogged along side the huge bike praying that if the kid and bike did fall, it fell to the other side.
And my dad didn't even do that! When I learned how to ride a bike, my dad just let me climb up the ladder, get on the bike and he then pushed me down our driveway out into our busy street. Actually, as I write this I'm realizing that it wasn't a busy street after all. I think it may have actually been a highway. I always thought I-10 was a strange name for a street. Anyway, I remember flying down the driveway, which was no driveway by the way but actually a huge hill. I remember flying down it, I passed a mountain goat, several hikers, went right through a base camp and then flew out into the road! I ended up hitting the median in the center of the "street" and went crashing over the handle bars. I was laying there bleeding as my dad shouted from the top of the mountain, "Find your balance!".
I guess I got off easy though. My dad taught my brother how to ride a bike using a ski rope attached to the back of his truck. He pulled my brother with the truck while watching him in the rearview mirror. It took us forever to get to Disney World that year. I have a theory that everything is made for the kid's comfort now, not the parents. Sippy cups is a big example. Sippy cups are made for kids so they don't have to worry about spilling their drinks? We didn't have sippy cups when we grew up. We had big wide open mouthed adult cups, full of grape juice. We'd be sitting on our white couch scared to death as our dad would stand their with his belt in his hand just waiting. That's how we learned not to spill stuff! We didn't have sippy cups. Big cups and the back of a hand, that's how we learned. What got me to thinking about this was when I was in a store yesterday looking for some Ben-Gay for my back. I saw a toy at the check out stand that blows the bubbles for the kids! You push a button and it shoots 40 bubbles out. It said, "Save time and energy". When did putting your lips together and going "whoosh" become too much work for a kid? I can't picture me saying, "Hey Colter, want to blow a bubble?" and him replying with, "I cant, Dad. I just made a play dough snake an hour ago! I'm worn out!"?
Ok. I'm way off the subject now. Being a father is tough is the topic for those still reading. And a lot of parenting doesn't even make sense. We are potty training our youngest child, Zander. My wife told me to place him on the potty and then offer him a treat if he goes to the bathroom. I said, "Now Zander, if you'll go potty I'll give you a cookie."
I stopped mid-sentence because I got to thinking that the cookie was the whole reason we were in there in the first place! If I give him another cookie, I'm creating an eternal cycle. So I adapted our philosophy. I said, "Zander, if you'll go potty. I'll give you a big block of cheese and you wont have to drink water for a week!" My wife came in and said, "Ok. You're done, Bob. Go watch your cartoons and I'll handle it from here."
However, I think the toughest part of being a Father is just taking time to listen to your kids. Especially if you work at home like I do. The other day I was answering email, booking flights, and talking on the phone to someone. Colter came in and said, "Hey Dad, can I dive in the cup?"
I was confused but I said, "Sure...you can dive in the cup." I remember thinking that he must be watching way too much Bugs Bunny cartoons so I made a mental note to make sure the kids were in bed before I watched Looney Toons from now on. Fifteen minutes later I was standing in our ditch with an angry wife and a confused son. Colter was saying, "Dad said I could drive the truck!!" I tried telling my wife that I thought he said dive in a cup but she was past listening to either of us. My wife told us that we were both grounded. "No more bugs bunny cartoons for either of you."
I think all Fathers would agree that being a Father is a tough job. I think we all also fail at some time or another...except for one. There is a perfect Father up above who listens to your every thought, your every prayer. He knows your heart, your dreams, your future. He is your perfect Father who will never let you down and always knows what is best for you! So I realized long ago that the best way I can be a good father is to make sure that my kids know their perfect Father up above! So to all your Fathers out there. Hang in there and enjoy Father's Day knowing that there is only one perfect Father. Now if you will excuse me, I'm still grounded so I better not let my wife see me playing on this computer.?
Scripture of the Month
1st John 5:14: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us.
(Never forget that your perfect Father is always listening to you!)
This just in...
1. My new comedy DVD "Bob Smiley: Uncaged" is now available! Go to www.bobsmiley.com or click the picture to the left to order it now. (Note: this DVD is only intended for those that want to go to Heaven smiling)
2. My new comedy DVD "Bob Smiley: Uncaged" is now available! Go to www.bobsmiley.com or click the picture to the left to order it. (Note: this DVD is only intended for cool people, are you one?)
3. My new comedy DVD "Bob Smiley: Uncaged" is now available! Go to www.bobsmiley.com or click the picture to the left to order it. (Note: F sharp)
4. Forgot yesterday was Father's Day? Print this newsletter off and give it to your dad or buy him my new comedy DVD! Either way you can blame me as to why your gift didn't get to him on time!
Website's of the month...
1. www.myspace.com/ theaventuresofaverageboy (This kid needs friends, please add him!)
2. www.deliberatekids.com (I know this was one of my website's of the month last month but the link didn't work plus its just too cool of an album not to mention again!!)
